so..i don't know why i do this. I always think of great things that I want to post on this blog and tell you all about, but then as soon as I get on here, it's like a can't remember any of it. Crap!
Hmmm...well I realized something today, I realized that i've gotten to the point where being full actually hurts. I mean, i'm not even talking about when you completely binge and clean out a buffet or something, I'm talking about the kind of full that used to come after eating a meal. You know, the kind that used to be satisfying. I guess I'm trying to say that being hungry is starting to feel good. That almost scares me a little. I was at the pool today babysitting some kids, and I got soooo hungry...so I ate some lunch. I'm not even going to say what it was because I'm so embarassed but I'll say that it was only a kids meal. Well, I ate it all (I used to be able to eat one of these kids meals as a snack, it's not a whole lot of food) and I was full. Probably because i'm not used to eating entire meals anymore, but whatever. I just sat there afterwards, thinking about how strange it felt to not be hungry still. It was actually sickening. I felt so disgusting, and I was immediately wishing for my empty stomach again. Now i'm planning on not eating dinner, because i've eaten a full meal today. WTF. This is a little scary almost. You all know that I want to lose weight (duh!) but you all can see that i'm trying to do it in a semi-healthy way. I'm just so SCARED. I'm scared that i'll either never be able to reach my goal weight and i'll be fat for forever, or I'll reach my goal weight, and it will never be enough. I'm afraid that I'll keep cutting calories and adding more days of fasting until I have a full blown eating disorder that I'll never be able to recover from. Why do our lives have to be so complicated...why is it so hard for us to look in the mirror and be satisfied with what we see?
Ok, i'm finished with my complaining. I'm sorry.
In other news, I went to see Eclipse last night. Hmm....what to say about that? Ok I LOVE the twilight series, i'm such a hopeless romantic, the sappier the better for me. I've read the books over and over again and yeah, i'm one of those girls that's really upset that Edward Cullen doesn't actually exist. Whatever. I'm not obsessed, I swear, but I think stephanie meyer took my dream guy right out of my head and wrote a book about him. Anyway, the acting sucked, as expected. It's such a shame...the books were so amazing, they could make such awesome movies out of them! But oh well, kristen stewart was as weird as always, Jasper was crazy, movie was corny. WHATEVER. Great guys to look at. :) so it's worth it to me. Hmm...might go read the book again later lol
Oh, so random I know, but this used to be my favorite commercial EVER, and I just found it online again. It's so cute and I just can't help but smile and feel happy when I watch it, so i'm gonna post it on here for you all in hope that it will bring some joy to your day too. Enjoy. :)
So.... once again, we have the same thoughts, after the liquid fast day, it hurt to eat a meal too :/ And you know that I told you yesterday, basically the same thing, about worrying about this getting out of hand :[
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about the kids meal, at least it wasn't the breakfast supreme thing I used to eat at mcdonalds (like 1200 calories haha)
Although I over use this saying: tomorrow is a new day :]
Let's make it perfect??
Want to have some kind of eating plan? or calorie goal? or diet based plan? haha I find it easier to resist when I have someone to report too :D
OH and I have read all of the twilight books multiple times as well haha and fell in complete and obsessed love with them. Couldn't see eclipse last night tho :/ Don't get paid till friday!!
I think the whole reason I want to go is to see Taylor 1/2 naked... but whatever, books will always be better.
Talk to you soon :]
Lilah