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Monday, February 14, 2011

Yeah, I lied.

I know I said that I wasn't going to post on this blog anymore for a while, but something happened this weekend that I only worthy of sharing with you all. I went on a long car ride with L this weekend. Almost 3 hours alone. Just talking. Talkig about anything and everything, an our biggest fears. I've told you before that L has some kind of disorder as well with his eating. He has to work out at least 2 hours a day, obsesses about what his body looks like, etc. After getting to know him better and becoming so much closer to him, I've decided that he would be classified as having orthorexia. He obsessively thinks about just being healthy. Well, I told him. That's right, I told him about my eating issues. I told him how little I ate this summer, how much I thought about it all the time, how much I hated myself. He completely understood and completely didn't understand at the same time. He understands the passion, the NEED for it, but he doesn't understand not eating to lose weight. He exercises to be healthy, not lose weight. Anyway, the point is, he didn't judge me for it. He didn't think I was crazy. He wasn't mad. I wasn't embarassed. He knows everything (well...actually, he still doesn't know about this blog) but he knows my biggest faults and insecurities, and somehow, he still cares for me. We sat in silence for a little while afterwords, and then he just looked over at me, smile spread across his face, sun shining in his hair, and said "you're absolutely beautiful."

I think I'm in love.

Sunday, February 6, 2011


i think i'm going to take a break from blogging. I know, that's not that big of news considering how little i post on here anymore, but i just don't think its what i need in my life right now. You ladies are amazing. each and every one of you is a beautiful person and i'm so thankful for you all, but that's just it...i think youre too good for this. I think we're all too go for this life. I know, its a disorder, a lot of us can't escape from it, and yes, a lot of us DO need to lose weight...but i dont want to encourage anything unsafe or unhealthy anymore. and that's what i'm doing just by being on this blog. i'm saying "great job!" every time you fast and lose another pound. I'm saying, "dont worry about that binge, just go work out a ton and burn off those calories!" i'm saying "you look amazing!" to all of these underweight girls.

i dont want to be that person. i'm sorry girls, but i guess maybe i've just gotten on this religious kick lately. I want to start living my life for God as best i can. I just want to be a good person. Besides my weight, i'm absolutely happy with EVERY aspect of my life. I have a beautiful family who loves me, i live in a beautiful country, i love my school and everything that i study, I have the best friends and a wonderful boyfriend who tells me every day how beautiful and perfect I am. I don't need anything (weight included) bringing me down.

of course, i'll be honest, this isn't goodbye forever. I'll probably be back to update you all every now and then. I'm just not sure when that next time will be.

Thank you to everyone who has been following me and all the kind comments you've left. Like i said, i do appreciate you all so very much, and i just wish you nothing but happiness and success in your lives. I dont care how much you weigh/what your habits are, i find you all beautiful on the inside, and i'm sure youre just as beautiful on the outside.

Take care of yourselves ladies. I love you. We'll catch up soon.