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Thursday, October 14, 2010

vent session

this isn't going to be a particularly happy post. I really just need to get my feelings out, but none of this really applies to you guys in any way so feel free to just stop reading now if you want

i'm upset. i feel like i'm losing my best friend. I feel like i'm losing CJ. The last time i saw her, i went over to help her move into her new dorm, cause she quit her job at the other dorm. When i was over there, she starts saying things like how she's kinda glad that she's not going to be in an honors dorm anymore, because she didnt want to be one of those typical honors kids (which we both are) i dont know why that upset me...but i think its because last year she was sooooo proud of being in the honors college. she went to honors clubs and really promoted the college and everything. She and I always joked that we were the only two people to ever go to parties from our dorm, but still, she loved it.

then we went dinner with all of the girls that i live with now. i see them all the time, and last year, CJ and I were best friends with them, even though we kinda still considered ourselves kinda on the outside of the group because we partied. idk, CJ and i were just SUPER close, and we did things that the other girls wouldnt do, but we were all still best friends if that makes sense. So we were walking to dinner and she says "this just doesn't excite me."
"what doesn't?" i say "moving into your new dorm?"
"no, i mean these going to dinner to see the girls. i'm just not excited about it. i don't really care to see them. i'd rather be having dinner with the guys." meaning the guys from the frat she always hangs out with now.

That hurt. these are my friends. these were HER friends too. she's changing.

also, shes been going out to that frat every night, and hanging out with this girl, lindsey, who is a nice girl and all, but is just kinda rough and is ALWAYS drunk when i see her. i've hung out with her probably 20 times and have never seen her sober. Then CJ is talking to one of the guys at the frat, so she stays the night at the house all the not having sex with the guy...she just sleeps in his room after partying all night. I never see her anymore, cause i can't go out much with all the work i have this semester, but every time i do see her now, our conversations are always the same. she's always talking about what she and lindsey have been doing and who has fallen in love with her.

now, i need to explain something about CJ. she's my best friend. and i hope it stays that way, but there is one little thing about her that really annoys me...she kinda has an ego. i dont know if that's the right word though, because i don't really adequately know how to describe this quality of hers. She's the nicest girl in the world, and she doesn't intend to show off, and she's so friendly to everyone and truly is just comfortable around everyone, but thats the thing...everyone who meets CJ just loves her, because she will go out of her way to do anything for you, plus shes a ton of fun. Well, thats all great, but people also love to tell her how sweet she is and how glad they are that they're friends...and she just lives for that. And that's what she talks about A LOT. its always..."so i went out with [insert random name here] the other night and we were playing cornhole, and he just looked at me and was like 'CJ, youre the coolest girl ive ever met. seriously, i'm so glad youre around.' and i just think thats so sweet of him! i think i'm the only girl that will go out and have a good time and play cornhole and beer pong and not care what i look like and blah blah blah..." it just gets annoying, hearing all the time about who thinks shes so awesome now. she's just proud of being a good friend, but it crosses the line sometimes and she doesnt realize it.

so i texted her tonight and i was like "CJ...i havent seen you in almost 3 weeks. you live right across the street from me. wtf. i miss you. what are you doing tomorrow?"

and she says "partying. of course." right. of course, because thats what shes always doing now.

"oh ok, well i'm gonna party with you tomorrow for the first time in forever then right?! i havent been out with you for so long!"

and she responds "ummm YES! I go out like every other night now."

why does this annoy me? idk. just because i think shes becoming someone she isn't again. she was always a partier, we both were, but we knew when to tone it down too....and i feel like shes replacing me with lindsey and actually BECOMING lindsey and i dont like it. i'm losing my best friend in the world, and theres no one i can talk to about it here because they all know her and i cant just be like "CJ doesn't really like you all anymore and that upsets me."

i'm sorry, this was very long, and probably very confusing, and all very high-school-drama-ish. but i just got really upset about it tonight, and i needed to get my feelings out somewhere. am i overreacting?

congrats if you made it this far. i promise that there will be no more depressing posts anytime soon (since thats all i've had lately.)

tomorrow is a new day and it's going to be good and positive. i dont think my writing ever really conveys how incredibly HAPPY i actually am with my life.

k. bedtime. thank you lovies!

1 comment:

  1. ah i can so relate to this, i was feeling this way only a couple days ago. it sucks when friends change but sometimes it's for the best. i'm glad you're happy with your life otherwise, that's good :) love you! xox