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Friday, September 10, 2010

yeah, that just happened

today i broke into my own house.

yeah, you heard me right. i'll explain, i promise.

So remember how i told you right before i left for school my mom and i decided to remodel my bedroom at home? well this involved tearing the carpet out so that i could have the hardwoods that were underneath them. Anyway, the hardwoods were in terrible shape and they need to be refinished. That's gonna happen sunday.

The reason that is bad is because when i moved into school, i had all this alcohol i had hidden in my room at home, in the bottom of my closet, and i couldn't take it with me because i couldn't figure out where to pack it in all my things so that i could be positive that my parents wouldn't find it while we were moving in. So I left it, sitting there buried in my closet, and i planned to just come back and get it whenever i came home next. I never thought my mom would be getting our hardwoods refinished so soon.

So can you see why that would be a problem? In the bottom of my closet I had two fifths of vodka, a little bit of crown royal, and a huge painted cup from my ocho de mayo party that was clearly used to get crunk. On sunday a man is coming out to finish all my floors, including the ones in my closet, which would surely have to be cleaned out by my parents.

Plus, I had some other things (notes and a pair of boxers....lame, i know) from my douche bag ex boyfriend hidden in my dresser drawers, which are also going to be cleaned out on sunday so that my furniture can be repainted.

So, to sum up, i need to get home a clean out my room before sunday if i wished to live any longer.

I know what you're thinking...why didn't you just go home this weekend and pack it with your things when you left? Well, that would have been a good idea, but i couldn't cover that up. There is absolutely NO reason for me to be home this weekend
1)i hardly ever come home for anything, so it would be suspicious to come home for no reason during my second week of school
2) there is a huge football game tomorrow which my mom knows im going to. Why would i come home and miss that?
3) i couldn't tell my parents i needed to come home to get some things that I forgot to bring with me to school, because I just saw them at the lake last weekend and had them bring me a list of things I knew I needed...not yet aware that my floors would be redone this weekend.

So anyway, the only logical (ha!) thing that I could do, would be to drive up there while my parents were at work, sneak into my own house without them knowing, and clean everything out. That was my only option, clearly. Yes, this story IS THAT PATHETIC.

So these last couple days ive been trying to figure out when my mom would be coming home from work. I had three options: 2:00 pm, 3:00 pm, or 6:00 pm.
99% of days, my mom is home either at 3 or 6, but oh no, today would be one of the ONLY early days she ever works, where she gets off at 1:30 and would be home by 2 at the latest. Of course.

So to continue, i went out last night with CJ, and got pretty drunk. I drank almost a full bottle of wine and 4-5 beers, all on an empty stomach. L didn't come out with us last night, which i was upset about, but that's another long story that I won't include in this novel of a post.

I got back to my dorm at 2 AM, and I had to get up and go to my french class at 9:10...and i just couldn't skip it. So I got up, went to french incredibly tired and still kinda drunk, then after french I booked it to my car, picked CJ up, and we drove like maniacs the two hours back to my house.

Do the math....
I got out of class and left campus at 10:30.
My house is an hour ahead of my school, so 11:30 their time.
It takes me a good two hours to drive back home, meaning I would get there at 1:30, the exact time that my mom got off work and came home.
I had a window of about 20 minutes to clean out my room and escape without my mom coming home to find me in the house, unannounced, with a purse full of alcohol.

Well, I crossed one more thing off my bucket list today...I drove over 100 mph. Not for very long, but i did for about 2 miles, and did around 85-90 most of the way home.

I kept laughing because if I were to get pulled over, I would have to explain to my parents why I had a HUGE ticket, thus raising my insurance, that i got by driving 100 mph in the rain on the way back to my house to preform a heist with last night's alcohol still in my system.
It was pretty risky.

So I made it home by about 1:10, ran inside with CJ, raided my room, and ran back out and left in about 5 minutes. I felt like i should have been wearing all black and had a ski mask over my face.
Didn't get caught. awesome.

So long story short, I succeeded. CJ and I went to get something to eat (she was really hungover and claimed we needed Qdoba. you know how I feel about that place) then drove 2 hours back to campus, where i took 2 Tylenol and fell into bed for about a 3 hour nap.

She wanted me to go get drunk with her again when we got back..but i was just too tired and had too bad of a headache for it.

Intake for the day:
1 muffin (which my roommate brought me and insisted i eat this morning)
1 Qdoba burrito (fuck)
1 granola bar
1 snack cup of mandarin oranges

and i'm about to go drink a shit ton more calories too.


Well anyway, thats my ridiculous yet pathetic story. I probably could have made it more exciting, but it's just too long and i don't feel like it right now. I'm pretty sure I need to re-examine my life haha

hope you enjoyed.


  1. Wow, sounds like a busy day! Hope you get some rest!

  2. i totally get it, if my mom ever decided to clean out my room i'd be fucked. but wow sounds like a crazy day haha but it sounds like so much fun. over 100 mph is definitely on my bucket list.
    what is qdoba btw? we don't have that where i live :(