i havent posted again for a few days. been too lazy to get my computer out. i'm gonna keep this post almost entirely about weight/food though today...shocking, right?!
i do have to mention L though, because that's where this post begins. I was in his room for a long time Monday night, and it was amazing like always. he was so sweet. but the important part is, we somehow ended up talking about tape worms. don't ask me how in the world we got on that subject, but he was telling me about how doctors prescribe pills with tapeworm larvae in them to help people lose weight. I started arguing with him about how stupid that was, and how it was basically the same as supporting anorexia because you're essentially encouraging someone to starve themselves. I was getting mad because he was pretty much saying that he didn't see a problem with it (i know, hypocritical, but no one besides you all have ANY clue that I'm basically pro-ana; plus, i think he was just wanting to argue with me cause he thought it was cute) and this is a little excerpt from our conversation
Me: "so, what if i came to you tomorrow and said that i was taking tape worm pills?"
L: "i would say, why in the world are you doing that?"
Me: "because i want to lose weight, obviously."
L: "I would look at you and say 'you're absolutely crazy. you don't need to lose a single pound.'"
i can't express to you how good that made me feel. L will openly admit that he has some type of disorder. He HAS to exercise at least 2 hours a day or else he freaks out. He HAS to be in shape. He eats a lot, but it's all pretty healthy. I have always been a little self-conscious around him because of that, because i'm so obviously out of shape, and he's told me before that he really likes girls who are muscular and in shape. so hearing him say that just made me ecstatic.
Then, when i went over to my grandparent's house yesterday for thanksgiving, my grandma looked at me and said "frenzy! have you lost weight?!" and i said "yeah, a little i guess?" and she said "oh my gosh, it looks like you've lost a ton, you re gonna be too skinny soon!" Thanks grandma :)
so then, feeling so good about myself for once, i decided to go home and face the ultimate test. I have this dress at my house which i wore two summer's ago, and i was incredibly upset this summer to find that i had gotten way too big to fit into it anymore. it wasn't even CLOSE to fitting. So as I've been losing weight, I've continuously tried on this dress as sort of a reference point, but I've never been able to fit into it again. Yesterday i put it on, and YOU GUESSED IT! IT ZIPPED ALL THE WAY UP!!!!!! yesssss. granted, it was still pretty tight and would look a lot better if i lost some more weight, but that basically means that I'm back to the size i was two summers ago, right after my senior year of high school!
i am way too excited, and i do actually think i look a ton better when i look in the mirror. i don't think it's fair, how well my life is going lately. everything is wonderful. everything is beautiful, and i just want to share some of that with you ladies, cause i know what hard times some of you all are going through. I've been there. I've been to that point where i prayed to God to just end my life because i didn't think there could be anything worth living for. I'm so glad that didn't happen. Life turned around, and I've never been happier. So please, find something to be happy about, or just keep faith that it WILL eventually get better. I love you ladies, and i wont you to be happy. Stay strong, and stay beautiful :)