back to school, back to school, to prove to dad i'm not a fool...

i'm gonna quit making apologies for not posting. i'm sure the sheer volume of them on this blog just make everyone want to puke (considering the community though, maybe you wouldn't mind that....) i joke. Don't get offended, we're all in the same boat. lets grab a life jacket before we're all taken under, shall we?

so i moved back into school. what to say, what to say....
i've moved into a new dorm. It's nice. huge room, big bathroom, same roommate and all my awesome friends from last year. It's pretty amazing. Wait, scratch that, i lied. there is one HUGEEEE thing missing....
CJ!!!!!
my best friend in the whole wide world, she's here with me, but not HERE...with me. Get it? She's in our old dorm, being an RA. I never see her. If i want to visit her (between all the class times and homework, etc.) I have to call her, walk over, get checked in, etc. I wouldn't mind that, though, if I got to do it often. But she's constantly working, having floor meetings, checking people into the desk...I can't even text her if she's working the desk. It sucks ass. And even if I could spend all my time with her like i would love to (cause she's seriously my other half) my other friends in MY dorm would write me off cause i never spend time with them. I can't win.

I don't really want to spend time with them though, to be honest. I love them to death, and they're great people, but heres how it goes when i'm with them: hang out in someone's room, play about 15 different stupid card/board games like were 6 again, have a discussion about whatever boy they think is cute but are too shy to approach, get into a discussion about God and how much this one girl misses her ex boy and how she hates what he's become, go to bed before midnight. EVEN ON THE WEEKENDS! I beg them to go out with me "you don't even have to drink!" i say to them. "just go with me and meet some new people! We can leave whenever you want to!" but no, they don't want to. they'd rather spend their friday and saturday nights playing Go fish or some lame shit.

When i'm with CJ, we talk about what's going on in our lives, and seeing as we actually go out and do things, we've usually got some pretty good stories. We laugh about our latest drunk happenings, we hang out with one of the other RA's (I'll deem this guy L from now on) and we crack open a beer, turn up some music, and laugh our asses off until it's finally late enough to go out and get completely trashed. We're the legit life of the party. We're A;WAYS together when we go out, so everytime we show up somewhere, everyone looks and yells "CJ!! FRENZY!!!" they're glad to see us. We really are a good fucking time. Even when we're not drinking, it's still more fun. Like the other day, CJ and L were both on call so they had to stay in the dorm ALL day. No leaving whatsoever. So i stayed with them for 12 hours. We watched a shit ton of movies, just talked, took a nap, ran around the dorm...idk, it was just fun. I want that all the time. I want to move back to where CJ is, seriously.

Oh, and i'm pretty sure I really like L. I keep saying i'm not looking for a guy, but if the right guy came along i wouldn't be opposed to it or anything....well, I only met L on Friday, but I instantly thought he was really attractive, and he's really friendly, and we were just like immediately friends. We've texted back and forth a few times, and it's just EASY. I feel like i can just breathe around him. there's really no other way to describe it...like we've known each other our whole lives or soemthing. I'm really comfortable with him, and if anything did happen with him, I know I wouldn't have to worry about some serious/possessive relationship like my last one. it would just be fun. He's so easy going, and sweet, and carefree, which is really what I need, but then again he doesn't really have any major goals in life (which is a HUUUUUUGGGGE problem for me) and I don't know that he would EVER really settle down with me. It would be fun to be that free in a relationship for a while, but I don't want to go into a relationship KNOWING that it will never turn into anything more than just fun, you know? Is any of this making sense? Plus, I think he's gotten into some trouble before. Nothing too major, just being dumb like a ton of other college guys and drinking a little too much probably. He's not a bad guy though, i can tell. He really is good. I'm rambling again.

I haven't told anyone, not even CJ, that I like him. I don't want it to be a big thing, and I don't want to ruin anything by being overly flirtatious like I was like time I really liked a guy. I made myself look crazy, probably (didn't help that I was drunk EVERY time i saw the last guy though) and it was embarassing. Especially because everyone knew that I liked him A LOT. I wanna be able to hang out with L and have it look like we're just friends. Not rush into anything. Keep it light and not have him think i'm obsessed or anything, i'm not. I just want to spend some time with him.

I think he's interested in me, too, though. He's made a few remarks that were pretty flirtacious and insinuated that he was interested, but that may just be him...a flirtacious guy. And I asked him what his type was and he said he didn't really have one (which is pretty true..he named off celebrities he really liked and they all had NOTHING in common) but he said he did really like girls who were tall and in shape...like muscular. He said he was a fan of the whole 6 pack on girls thing. (Not like a body builder, but just insane body like victoria's secret I guess.) Too bad i'm short and growing even more huge every day.

I want to see him again. I want to be skinny and have guys (not just L) think I look good. I'm going on a cruise in December, too, and I can't be fat like I am now.


Quickly: my calorie intake is still bad. I've celebrated my birthday with my friends, and since it was my birthday, i've been partying/drinking a lot. I got absolutely trashed on Saturday night, but that's a story for another post...

I have been walking a ton lately though since classes have started. IN the insane heat and with a heavy ass backpack. I went to the gym the other day too and ran until I almost collapsed. It felt so good.

Long post. Congratulations if you made it to the end. love you!