new motivation

so this weekend i went to the lake for vactation, and i was hoping that getting away from college food would make it easier for me to restrict, and in some ways it was, in others, not so much. the day i left, i had only eaten about 300 calories, but worked out a lot right before i left and burned off 350 calories (go me!) but then when i got to the lake i was starving, so i had a total binge and ate arounf 810 calories. fuck me. so yhou would think that i would feel disgusting and not want to eat anymore that weekend right? oh yeah, right, im a total fatass, i forgot. its tradition that when my family goes to the lake, my grandmother fixes us a big country breakfast every morning (biscuits, eggs, gravy, bacon) and i just cant resist that. i just dont think anyone understands what this meal means to me. like, if i were on death row, this would probably be my last meal. so i had three days of that, and dinner every night. i cant believe i havent gained 20 pounds. i felt so disgusting that i left the lake a day early to come back to school and "give myself a full day to study before classes start again" yeah. more like "give myself a full day to fast, work out incessantly, and maybe open a book for like 15 minutes." my roommate isnt back yet, so its really easy for me to not eat and no one notices. its almost 1:00 here and not a single calorie has entered my body, and i intend to keep it that way. i read a blog where a girl said she lost 13 pounds in a week, and others said that they had lost 10 pounds or more in a week, so i have new motivation. i know i can do it, i just have to stay focused. so my plan for this week is
today: fast
tomorrow: granola bar for breakfast, and a small dinner
wednesday: fast
thursday: small dinner only
friday: small dinner and small lunch (this will be my binge day, because im also planning on getting completely fucked up on this day, so if im getting the calories, might as well have food in my stomach so that i wont puke all over myself)
saturday: fast
sunday: fast

i dont know if i can do it. ive done a liquid diet for two days straight before but it was incredibly hard for me, and i had been eating full meals the entire week before, so we'll see how it works out. any motivational words are greatly appreciated! stay strong ladies!

so today ive had
naked juice (340 cals)
chicken noodle soup (150 cals)
total: 490 cals

im going to try to make it the rest of the day without eating anything, ill be so proud of myself if i can. not to mention my campus is full of hills, which i walked up and down three times today in 15 minutes with a heavvvvvvvvy backpack, so i probably burned some calories there. think i can make it the rest of the day? i hope so. this college food has been getting to me and im tired of feeling disgusting. i miss the feeling of my empty stomach. maybe ill go to the gym later too. todays the day im committing, getting back on my plan. its so much easier now that classes have started to eat less. so many excuses i can make for not eating like i already ate, ill eat later, too much studying, im going out, etc. its glorious. and now that i have a planned schedule, i can plan set times to work out every day. i feel and look skinnier already i think, and im on my period so im even bloated. i will be a size two. i will do anthing for it.

please excuse my french...

today was a very bad day. i was home alone for the day today, and so i had complete control over what i was eating. i didnt eat anything until two when i decided to have a single slice of pizza and two mozzerella sticks which, if my guestimation is anywhere near accurate, is around 400 calories. not necessarily wonderful, but i figured, since my mom-who makes dinner every night- would be going to take our dag to the vet right after she got home from work, that i would be on my own for dinner, so i wouldnt feel pressured to eat anything. WRONG. life never works out that way. she called my dad and had him bring home qdoba (OHSHIT) for the two of us. just a little bit of insight into myself, if there is one food in this world i literally CANNOT resist, its a chicken queso burrito from qdoba. words cannot describe the orgasm that took place in my mouth when i bit into that burrito. HOWEVER, being the complete fatty that i am, i ate the ENTIRE thing. as if that werent enough, at 8 oclock tonight i decided that since my diet had already been shot to hell for the day anyway, i would have three scoops of chocolate ice cream, bringing my calorie total for the day up to....hmmm....lets see here.....COMPLETE FATASS! i was just begining to notice a difference in my body today too. the scale had been telling me i'd lost two pounds, but now im positive ive gained it all back. why cant one day ever just work out for me? so, with that said, please-all those feeling my pain of a complete failure of the day- lets all say it together, in unison now' "FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!"