new motivation

so this weekend i went to the lake for vactation, and i was hoping that getting away from college food would make it easier for me to restrict, and in some ways it was, in others, not so much. the day i left, i had only eaten about 300 calories, but worked out a lot right before i left and burned off 350 calories (go me!) but then when i got to the lake i was starving, so i had a total binge and ate arounf 810 calories. fuck me. so yhou would think that i would feel disgusting and not want to eat anymore that weekend right? oh yeah, right, im a total fatass, i forgot. its tradition that when my family goes to the lake, my grandmother fixes us a big country breakfast every morning (biscuits, eggs, gravy, bacon) and i just cant resist that. i just dont think anyone understands what this meal means to me. like, if i were on death row, this would probably be my last meal. so i had three days of that, and dinner every night. i cant believe i havent gained 20 pounds. i felt so disgusting that i left the lake a day early to come back to school and "give myself a full day to study before classes start again" yeah. more like "give myself a full day to fast, work out incessantly, and maybe open a book for like 15 minutes." my roommate isnt back yet, so its really easy for me to not eat and no one notices. its almost 1:00 here and not a single calorie has entered my body, and i intend to keep it that way. i read a blog where a girl said she lost 13 pounds in a week, and others said that they had lost 10 pounds or more in a week, so i have new motivation. i know i can do it, i just have to stay focused. so my plan for this week is
today: fast
tomorrow: granola bar for breakfast, and a small dinner
wednesday: fast
thursday: small dinner only
friday: small dinner and small lunch (this will be my binge day, because im also planning on getting completely fucked up on this day, so if im getting the calories, might as well have food in my stomach so that i wont puke all over myself)
saturday: fast
sunday: fast

i dont know if i can do it. ive done a liquid diet for two days straight before but it was incredibly hard for me, and i had been eating full meals the entire week before, so we'll see how it works out. any motivational words are greatly appreciated! stay strong ladies!

today has been such a hard day. actaully, make that a hard week. im getting so irate with myself because all of this college food is getting to me. the incesant study hours, late nights and early mornings leave me feeling hungry constantly and the sickening choices of unhealthy greasy, yet oh so appetizing food in the buffet style eating area make it so hard to resist. i was so proud of myself these last few months of summer, i was eating only about 600 calories a day and i looked and felt thinner and i was so happy, but im positive that ive probably gained everything back now and it makes me miserable. im probably eating 600 calories in half of a single meal here! i feel disgustingly unhealthy but its so hard to resist. i dont know whats wrong with me, and i cant even think about taking up purging in a college dorm with everyone living on top of each other. im just gonna have to start making even more study excuses for not eating. basically isolate myself in my dorm except when absolutely necessary or when i know food wont be involved with where im going. im thinking about trying to find an ana buddy somewhere. someone to keep me on track and keep my mind off food and being hungry. i need that desperately. now to find one....