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Thursday, May 20, 2010

not really in the mood for another glass of water

ok so i'm having a really hard time you ever have one of those days where you just NEED to eat? and not because you're hungry? no, im sure the hunger pains are something we're all used to overcoming, but because you just need the taste? i mean, you just want the taste of something solid and flavorful in your mouth instead of just another big bland glass of tasteless water? That's exactly where i'm at not hungry, truely im not, but i just needed food in my mouth, and so i had some bourbon chicken and peanut butter crackers. *sigh* also, i get so upset with myself because i'm always failing. i always read all the wodnerful posts of my fellow bloggers, and after i'm done catching up i always find myself thinking
"why can't i be like them?"
they're so strong. they never fail, and if they do, they get right back on track.
Look at all the weight they've lost...and I haven't....
then that overwhelming feeling of "why the hell not?" sweeps over me and I go eat something small...because I feel like it doesn't mater anyway, i'm already a failure.
Do anyone else ever have this problem? my best friend, who i will call CJ has invited me up to her house this weekend for a party. Im so freakin excited! I miss her so much, and I can't wait to see her again, and the alcoholic in me is very anxious to show her sloppy face yet again, i mean it's been over 2 weeks since the last time i got shitfaced plastered....right? haha i'm such a little drunk.

haha ok well if the alcoholic in me is coming out, im just hoping the slut in me doesn't decide to show up for the party too. I have a nasty habit of drunken hookups (no sex, mind you) but i like to have my fun with boys...i can't say i really regret anything i've done, i've had a pretty good time, but i suppose i could have made some better choices....we'll see. My drunken sexcapades could do nothing more than give me a good story to blog about right? I'll keep you updated, promise.

Oh, and the France possiblity is still going strong! I don't have many details yet, but believe me, if I am truely blessed enough for this to come through for me, you will surely hear about it! AHHHHH I'M SO FUCKING EXCITED!

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