Thursday, September 3, 2009
today has been such a hard day. actaully, make that a hard week. im getting so irate with myself because all of this college food is getting to me. the incesant study hours, late nights and early mornings leave me feeling hungry constantly and the sickening choices of unhealthy greasy, yet oh so appetizing food in the buffet style eating area make it so hard to resist. i was so proud of myself these last few months of summer, i was eating only about 600 calories a day and i looked and felt thinner and i was so happy, but im positive that ive probably gained everything back now and it makes me miserable. im probably eating 600 calories in half of a single meal here! i feel disgustingly unhealthy but its so hard to resist. i dont know whats wrong with me, and i cant even think about taking up purging in a college dorm with everyone living on top of each other. im just gonna have to start making even more study excuses for not eating. basically isolate myself in my dorm except when absolutely necessary or when i know food wont be involved with where im going. im thinking about trying to find an ana buddy somewhere. someone to keep me on track and keep my mind off food and being hungry. i need that desperately. now to find one....
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