Tuesday, September 22, 2009
ok so ive been ignoring this blog, but ive been really busy. i dont know what to think about my weight anymore. i was doing so well for a while and exercising every day but then school got very hectic very quickly and i dont have much time to work out anymore. i HAVE however, been eating much less and much healthier, which is the goal anyway. i have juice for breakfast, a salad for lunch, then soup and a salad for dinner if anything. i want to cut back more though. it will never be enough. even when im fasting, i will still always want to do more though because i will never be good enough. its a sick, twisted state of mind, but at times, i love it. i cant tell much difference with my weight right now since i havent had a scale close (which is sort of really uncomfortable for me) but i dont think ive lost much. i just had the best thinspiration of my life though. theres this girl in my sorority who is one of my best friends this year and she is one of the skinniest girls i know. shes BEAUTIFUL, with a punk rock i-dont-give-a-fuck edge to her, and ive admired her body since i first saw her, shes so small and tiny and thin, but she doesnt look sick in any way, just skinny, and gorgeous. well i just looked through her facebook pictures for the first time, and i saw some older pictures of her and she was big! ok so she wasnt like 300 lbs or anything, but she was at least my size now. she looked so different, and now she is SO much smaller. i dont think she has ED, i just think she lost a lot of weight because she just drinks and smokes a lot and stays really busy. a bit of a burnout i guess, but then again, who here wouldnt want to be? but shes my new inspiration. if she can make that much of a change that quickly, then so cna i damnit! and i will too! starting right now, no snacks. only drinking on weekends, and fasting the day before to save calories. one meal a day, salad or vegetable soup. water only to drink. exercise whenever possible for at least an hour. keep a bottle of water with me constantly, only go out to eat when absolutely necessary, like tonight, when i have a scholarship dinner. i will be skinny. i will be a size two. i will be that girl that everyone else admires, and inspires to look like. LETS START FUCKING NOW!