I don't even know where to begin. I still can't fathom this whole situation, this is so fucked up.
Ummm.....ignore what I said two posts ago. Well, scratch that, don't ignore any of it.....oh, except for the part where I said that L doesn't have herpes.
Well, I guess that's that then. Nothing I can do about us now. At least I now have a reason for why he didn't talk to me for two weeks.
So what now? I guess he'll just be my best friend forever? Fuck. I love him. He will always be more than that to me.
You know what the most fucked up part of this whole situation is? I still truthfully want to be with him. I still want to say "if you can promise me forever....we can be very smart and careful about this and try to make it work." when did I become that person? When did I let myself get THAT wrapped up in a guy? This is some major bullshit.
Even though he's got a horrible back and could possibly be disabled down the road, even though he has an incurable STD, even though his parents still hate me, even though he can probably never have kids, even though he has a fear of love and we have completely different religious beliefs.......I still want him. I still see 30 times more good in him than bad.
The worst part is, I have no one to talk about this with except you all. I can't talk to any of my friends r family about how the person I love has an STD and I still want to be with him. I can't talk to L about how stupid he was.
God, 1 drunken night with some girl which he immediately regretted has turned both our lives upside down overnight.
Three weeks ago we talked about marriage.
Last night we talked about herpes.